Monday, 23 May 2011

wrap it up, i'll take it (otherwise forget it)

Sexually transmitted diseases. Yuk. Ick. O my god no! That's what we think, we think of scabby nether regions and discharge (milky, greenish or otherwise) and we think dirty and promiscuous. It's not really like that. Perfectly nice, 'clean', non-promiscuous people are contracting or managing STDs all the time. And you can't always tell who they are, even naked - neither the scabs nor the discharge are there constantly. So ask yourself, is unprotected sex really worth it?

It's hard to play safe, I know, and it seems it's harder for men than for women. I struggle to think of any straight man I know who prefers using condoms to not, they all say condoms dull sensation or won't stay on. I feel sorry for men on this front and I really do hope for more developments in latex soon. I've heard from some men that without a condom things feel more intimate, they feel closer to us. How sweet that they love us so much they want to give or get the clap in celebration. Then there are the men that think pregnancy is the main female concern. Boys, we have ways of dealing with that and you pulling out makes no difference. Also, in the time you're in there, swooning with the intimacy of it all, you could be contracting or passing on chlamydia and messing up both our fertility levels.

The good men don't quibble, don't hesitate. They carry condoms and they have them by their bed, they can stay hard and put them on in a jiffy (pun intended). They can get over the dulled sensation by using their minds and other senses. They are truly sexy, truly good in bed, they take sex and it's many consequences, temporary and permanent, good and bad, seriously. These are the good guys because they are the ones who really love to f*ck, and they value themselves and you. They are often the ones that don't demand you worship their penis during sex too, but that's a whole different topic.

Regular sexual health checks are a good idea, as is insisting your new partner is tested before engaging in unprotected sex. However, you also need to trust that partner implicitly to only have unprotected sex with you and to agree to future tests. It's a numbers game. You may only sleeping with him or her without using a condom, but if he or she is going bareback elsewhere then they are bringing a little bit of that person back with them, and if that person in turn is sleeping with someone else and not using protection then that's a little bit of a complete stranger you're sleeping with. And if that complete stranger in turn is sleeping with . . . well, you get the picture.

I am surprised still when I have to explain this to men. Many of us have behaved recklessly in the past and those of us who have got away with it should be thankful and mindful, rather than think ourselves invincible. When someone says use a condom, just do it, and be grateful you're sleeping with someone who cares.

I never even got round to writing about HIV/AIDS, it hasn't gone away you know.

Lecture over.



  1. Can't fault the sentiment AB - spot on, as always. Mind you, the 'Good Man' is an avatar of wishful thinking that discounts most blokes, i fear. Homo Obvolvo is a rare beast. You find him, keep him.

  2. "muffled up man?", forgive me - bit rusty on the latin since I gave up being a judge . . . tks for the comment tho