you said all men were motherf*ckers, then you ran off

me: "er, I had a great evening, but remind me, how did it end?"

him: "you said all men were motherfuckers and then you ran off"


That difficult second date, eh? It’s taken me a while to sharpen up the hazy bits from the night and I’ve identified the tipping point as this: I do not want an open sexual relationship, he does. I could be living in Utah the number of men I meet who are looking for safety in numbers. As he talked about it, I thought, I’ve heard all this before. Then, having lost the power of rational debate to red wine and cocktails and realising I wasn’t far from home, I scarpered.

There is a definite trend for having or wanting multiple partners, or being supportive of your partner if that’s what they want. How nice. Perhaps sex will become like having a cup of tea, just friends getting together for a nice bit of sex now and again. Yawn. You’ll be reading a lot of articles on this soon (GQ, Marie Claire etc.). I’ve identified this trend through entering the murky world of internet dating. Once I’d corrected a profile point I didn’t know would be quite so public and got rid of all the bondage masters wanting to tie me up, I realised 75% of the people showing an interest in me online were looking for a non-monogamous sexual relationship.

What is going on? Zeigeist sex or something deeper shifting? So far this trend appears to be a middle class one, and age specific (late 30s and 40s). Not so much the doing it, as the talking about it. Sanitising it, owning with talk of openness, self-discovery, self absorption. I was in such a relationship for over 2 years and I learned that the relationship needed so much managing it rubbed itself out. It was far more complicated than we had the time or the inclination to deal with.

Which is why, fuelled by White Russians and general annoyance, I bolted down Bethnal Green Road when the subject came up this time.


angry bird on the wing
december 2011